Wednesday, June 22, 2005

It's been a while...

Why I love Pearl Jam:

Breakerfall

There's a girl on a ledge who's got nowhere to turn.
Cause all the love that she had was just wood that she burned.
Now her life is on fire it's no ones concern.
She can blame the world or prey till dawn.
But only love can break her fall

It's like she lost her invitation to the party on earth and she's standing outside hating everyone here.
Yeah, she's her own disease, crying to her doll.
But only love can break her fall.

Parting Ways

Behind her eyes there's curtains and they've been closed to hide the flames. Remains.
She knows their futures burning but she can smile just the same. Same.
And though her mood is fine today there's a fear they'll soon be parting ways.
Standing like a statue. A chin of stone a heart of clay. Hey.
And thought he's too big a man to say there's a fear they'll soon be parting ways.
Drifting away. Drifting away. Drifting away. Away.

Nothing Man

Once divided...nothing left to subtract...
Some words when spoken...can't be taken back...
Walks on his own...with thoughts he can't help thinking...
Future's above...but in the past he's slow and sinking...
Caught a bolt 'a lightnin'...cursed the day he let it go...
Nothingman...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman...
She once believed...in every story he had to tell...
One day she stiffened...took the other side...
Empty stares...from each corner of a shared prison cell...
One just escapes...one's left inside the well...
And he who forgets...will be destined to remember...
Nothingman...
Oh, she don't want him...
Oh, she won't feed him...after he's flown away...
Oh, into the sun...ah, into the sun...

Betterman

Waitin', watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock, it's got to stop
Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over...
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
Can't find a better man
Talkin' to herself, there's no one else who needs to know...
She tells herself, oh...
Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along...
Swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone

Immortality

Vacate is the word...vengeance has no place on me or her
Cannot find the comfort in this world
Artificial tear...vessel stabbed...next up, volunteers
Vulnerable, wisdom can't adhere...
A truant finds home...and I wish to hold on...
But there's a trapdoor in the sun...
Immortality...
As privileged as a whore...victims in demand for public show
Swept out through the cracks beneath the door
Holier than thou, how?
Surrendered...executed anyhow
Scrawl dissolved, cigar box on the floor...
A truant finds home...and I wish to hold on, too...
But saw the trapdoor in the sun...
Immortality...
I cannot stop the thought...
I'm running in the dark...
Coming up a which way sign...all good truants must decide...
Oh, stripped and sold, mom...auctioned forearm...
And whiskers in the sink...
Truants move on...cannot stay long
Some die just to live...

Given to Fly

He could have tuned in, tuned in, but he tuned out
A bad time, nothing could save him
Alone in a corridor, waiting, locked out
He got up out of there ran for hundreds of miles...
He made it to the ocean
Had a smoke in a tree
The wind rose up, set him down on his knees
A wave came crashing like a fist to the jaw
Delivered him wings - "Hey, look at me now"
Arms wide open with the sea as his floor
Oh! He's FLYING! Oh, HIGH! WIDE! Oh...
He floated back down cause he wanted to share
His key to the locks on the chains he saw everywhere
But first he was stripped, and then he was stabbed
By faceless men, well fuckers... he still stands.
And he still gives his love, he just gives it away...
The love he recieves is the love that is saved
And sometimes is seen a strange spot in the sky
A human being that was given to fly

I Am Mine


The selfish they're all standing in line.
Fathing and hoping to buy themselves time.
He I figure as each breath goes by.
I only own my mind.
The north is to south what the clock is to time.
There's east and there's west and there's everywhere lines.
I know I was born and I know that I'll die.
The in between is mine.
I am mine.
And the feeling it gets left behind.
All the innocence lost at one time.
Significant behind the eyes.
There's no need to hide.
We're safe tonight.
The ocean is full cause everyone's crying.
The full moon is looking for friends at high tide.
The sorrow grows bigger when the sorrows denied.
I only know my mind.
I am mine.

Even Flow

Freezin', rests his head on a pillow made of concrete, again
Oh, Feelin' maybe he'll see a little better, set a days, ooh yeah
Oh, hand out, faces that he sees time again ain't that familiar, oh yeah
Oh, dark grin, he can't help, when he's happy looks insane, oh yeah
Even flow, thoughts arrive like butterflies
Oh, he don't know, so he chases them away
Someday yet, he'll begin his life againLife again, life again...
Kneelin', looking through the paper though he doesn't know to read, ooh yeah
Oh, prayin', now to something that has never showed him anything
Oh, feelin', understands the weather of the winters on its way
Oh, ceilings, few and far between all the legal halls of shame, yeah
Even flow, thoughts arrive like butterflies
Oh, he don't know, so he chases them away
Someday yet, he'll begin his life again
Whispering hands, gently lead him away
Him away, him away...

Why Go?

She scratches a letter into a wall made of stone
Maybe someday another child won't feel as alone as she does
It's been two years, and counting, since they put her in this place
She's been diagnosed by some stupid fuck, and mommy agrees...
Why go home...
She seems to be stronger, but what they want her to be is weak
She could play pretend, she could join the game, boy
She could be another clone...
What you taught me...put me here...don't come visit...mother...
Sting me...

Black

Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did
All five horizons revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn
Ooh, and all I taught her was everything
Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore
And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds
Of what was everything...
Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...
I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can, drop away
And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything...
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...
All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll ever be...yeah...
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a sun
In somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine?

Monday, June 06, 2005

PICTURE POST!!!

Because everyone loves pictures... or something....

New shoes and a kitty!

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Duckies, because I love them!

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SQUIRREL!!!!! He let me get so close! I was so happy!

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Gizzy! (Raymond's cat)

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Kitty on a bed!

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My boss and a bear of some sort

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A truly WTF moment, and a time I was glad I had my camera!

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From the air on the way back from BC

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PENGUI ON THE PLANE!!! (man, did i ever get some weird looks taking this picture!)

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And finally, Pengui chillaxin'

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That is all - perhaps later I will post band pics. Who's to say.

Hope y'all enjoy!

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

whee! two posts in one day!

Within only minutes of each other!

RANDOMNESS!!!!!!

1) Pearl Jam - September 22, 2005.... and I will motherfacken' be there!
2) I have a toothache and it sucks shit!
3) I bought April a scarf for her birthday, but Pengui was jealous, so I gave it to him. He loves it.
4) I still haven't sent April's pressie, because it's going to be crazy expensive and I am broke ass.
5) I need to learn to budget.
6) Stephanie bought me a hat and new Vans socks in Florida. Good times.
7) I want to go to Florida.
8) I want to have Bam Margera's babies, but I really have no idea why.
9) I am thinking about writing a screen play about a porn star, casting myself in the lead role, in hopes I could get Bam to sign on as my co-star.
10) I have been listening to The Rasmus a lot over the last two days. I forgot I had the cd.
11) I miss Newfie April.
12) I confused a fox for a squirrel the other day.
13) I have been eating waay too many Oreos.
14) I am getting crazy stressed out because the asshole I work with won't do anything, so I have to do three times as much work. It's a problem considering how lazy I am.
15) I met David Usher and got my picture taken with him birthday weekend.
16) Jeff Martin (Tea Party) was so close to me while he was playing guitar, he flug his hair and got sweat in my eye. It was sexy.
17) I met a cute boy at the concert who looked like a smaller red headed version of Dax Sheppard. He was really nice, and so was his sister. We went for coffee after the show.
18) I am thinking about doing a picture post soon.
19) I'm pretty sure I'd do Angelina Joli given the chance - despite not being into women... is that weird?
20) I have run out of random!

In closing:
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Sooo... long time no post

I've been lazy.

The trasition from part time cdplus counter bitch to full time cdplus ass man has been a tiring one. It seems lately all I do is work. It may seem that way because all I do lately is work. I get up in the early morning (well, early for me anyway) and work until the early evening, at which I come home and proceed to be a lazy ass. Apparently my lazy ass is also a fat one, as a friend of mine (can I really call her a friend? hmmm) pointed out today. Granted, I'm pretty sure it was meant as some sort of weird compliment, but none-the-less, it was slightly distressing. Lately I have been attempting a diet, so hearing that was a little sad. Oh well. She meant well?

I have been neglecting both my online journals lately, so I decided now was as good a time as any to post. I still have yet to write about my birthday weekend (which was wonderful) and, even further back, I have yet to really write about my trip to BC all the way back in Feb! I should likely do that soon - and I still owe Marc my "swim" story. Maybe one day I'll get around to all that.

Today is not that day.

I just typed a huge paragraph about how I've been feeling lately. I then reminded myself that no one wants to hear it. I have learned over the past few days that the best way to keep the people around me happy and wanting to talk to me is to just shut my mouth about how I feel. It brings people down. No one wants to hear it because it makes them feel sad and they get frustrated that they can't cheer me up or force me to see the bright side - or get me to change the way I see things.

Imagine how it feels for me then. I would love to just be able to be happy about something and enjoy it, but my mind always looks for all the things that can go wrong. I wish I could change that, but I can't. It's the way I am. It's the way I've become. Get screwed over enough and that's what happens.

Oops, I said I wasn't going to talk about it.